2 observations

I have two random observations.
1) How is it that older women who have had multiple children can still forget that gestation is 40 weeks? I can't tell you how many times in the last month or so someone has asked me how far along I am and then obviously struggled to figure out how much longer I have to go - Me: "I'm 33 weeks." Respondent: "Oh, so you have a few months left." Really? Me: "I'm 34 weeks today." Respondent: "Great! So you have.... um.... how many weeks... um." Me: "6" Respondent: "Right, 6. Whew, getting down there!" Um, yeah.
I don't mind, but it is a little bizarre to me considering how fixated I am with the weekly schedule and knowing exactly where I am. I can tell you the trimester breakdown and what happens in each week physiologically and you better believe I know the exact number of weeks left. Is their not knowing a part of pregnancy amnesia? Or did the weeks just not matter to them? I wonder...

and 2) the number one conversation starter with people these days is "you look small" or "you look big" or "you look smaller than yesterday." Really people? Did none of ya'll ever notice when YOU were pregnant that clothes make a difference? I'm not sure why the size of the belly from day to day is such an interesting phenomenon, or why women with multiple children seem to forget that they didn't look 40 weeks pregnant from week 8 on either. Maybe I fixate on this one because I haven't come up with any perfectly quippy response. I'm open for suggestions since the only things I can think of are dripping with sass. Funny is one thing, and I'm all for it. But Joan Rivers sarcastic sass is just not attractive. 

32 and change

That's how the lady at the doctor's office always describes how far along I am. "Hmmm. let's see. So you are... 32 and change. Alrighty. Come over here and we'll check weight."
Every time. I don't know why I find it funny. Perhaps because I have this instant image pop into my head of her handing me a a few nickels, or at least a token I can use at Chuck-e-Cheese. Or maybe its funny because its ironically true and she doesn't know it. Change is perpetually upon me. After checking, in what happens next? I step on the scale to see exactly how much change has taken place since my last appointment. (These ladies are really nice. And tactful. Never have I heard the words "flubberbutt" come out of their mouths.) But it really is true. The craziest thing about pregnancy is the constant change. Just when you think you're hitting a stride, something changes. I cringe now when I find myself thinking "I could get used to this. I'm feeling pretty good about _________." because I know that some life/body/mind altering change is probably right on top of me. Like when my hips started cracking and I thought somebody had smacked my pelvis with a metal bat in the middle of the night and I started wincing with every step. Yeah, that came the day after I thought to myself, "wow, I haven't thrown up in like 3 weeks! This is a new pregnancy record for me! Finally, I get to enjoy being pregnant!!!" Haaaaaaaaaaaaahahaaa. Anyway. I'm starting to get hip to the fact that this change thing is the new normal - that life will probably never hit stagnate ever again. The problem with constant change is that I can never predict what will happen. That also means I can never totally prepare or psyche myself up. I can't anticipate. I can't make peace with my fate before it comes. I can't... in a word... control. I've been having crazy baby dreams about labor and deliver and breastfeeding. Lots of breastfeeding dreams, actually. (Could someone analyze that for me please?) And I think its just because my mind is on overload trying to figure out what on earth is happening and what it will all be like every day for the rest of my life. That would make any mind go crazy I think.
God has really been challenging me on my perpetual worrying. My anxious heart does not change the future. It actually does nothing more than raise my blood pressure. I've actually been thinking to myself a lot lately, "Bethany - do you think God doesn't know? Do you think he doesn't know you're scared to death to push this baby out? Do you think he doesn't know that you're afraid of being tired? Do you think he doesn't know when your daughter will get sick? Do you think he doesn't know that the closest pediatrician is in Lusaka? TRUTH in these situations is that he already knows, already cares and already has a plan - a perfect plan - for how these things are supposed to work together for my good, and the good of my daughter. God will never say the words "oops," "oh no," or "whoa, didn't see that one." And so I ask myself, WHAT THEN SHALL I FEAR? nothing. He already cares, and already has a perfect plan.

blessed assurance, Jesus is mine... 

  

30 weeks, and crazy

I'm officially 30 weeks along in this pregnancy and for some reason, that sounds like a crazy number to me. 30? Really? Where did that come from! I was laying in bed last night pondering the fact that I am 3/4ths of the way finished carrying this baby and so much of the early days seems like a distant memory. Remember, Bethany, back in August and September and October when surviving the days was your number one goal? When you'd wake up in the middle of the night sick beyond belief, but starving at the same time and just crying, wanting the morning sickness to be over? Do you remember working out in the second trimester and hating Summer Sanders for telling you you should have energy when you still felt like a zombie? I feel like I started to enjoy being pregnant only recently and yet I'm amazed at how quickly my mind and my body can forget what was, not that long ago, quite tortuous. But now, here I am, with a belly to behold and movements inside of me that are totally unmistakeable as human, and this whole pregnancy thing doesn't seem that bad. Maybe its because when I feel discomfort now, I know its for her sake. Before it was just sickness for sickness sake and it was easy to resent that. But now that it feels like my hips are splitting in two and like someone whacked my pelvis with a bat, I feel no resentment because I know its not her fault and I love her too much to mind. I wonder if I'll feel any different about morning sickness the next time I'm pregnant, having felt this human and knowing that its for her? I don't think we intend to get pregnant again any time soon, but it is interesting how the heart and the mind and the body are so joined and how we really do do crazy things in the name of love.

So, I love you, baby girl. This has all been for you, to bring you here, and I'm so crazy in love with you that I'd do it all again. 

the start of the journey... well, sorta

Hi friends,
I've decided to blog. (Duh.) But let me explain why. I've become obsessed with mommy blogs recently. Jeremy walks into the room and I quickly minimize the page I'm looking at and he gives me that smile that says, "I approve of the fact that you are reading MORE mom-stuff, but really?" Yes, really. Its fun, its encouraging, its interesting, and a lot of these ladies are hilarious. But the thing that has stood out to me in quite a few of these blogs I've started "stalking" is that these women share a lot of details about their lives  that only their moms, sisters and bf's would really care about. A lot of them talk to or reference their moms directly, as if they are having a phone conversation, but via the blog. I think its sweet. And it occurred to me that perhaps I have some family and friends who might like to read all the randomness of my life too. How that doctors appointment went, the details of the birth story, what we did with this baby in our hut today and other things that will never make it into a Choshen newsletter or might seem too insignificant to send an e-mail out about. And so I want to start writing things down. For my sake, and perhaps for yours - whoever you are. And so here begins the journey... or rather, here continues the journey. I'm starting this at the start of my third trimester, which is 2/3rds of the way through the pregnancy and not even to day 1 of the mommy adventure. But things are starting to get "interesting" around here, so it seems appropriate to get on this ball before too much more happens.
And so that's what we'll do! OK blogworld, do your thang!