celebrating mama rawson!

This post is mostly for the benefit of Amy and Jill who couldn't be with us to celebrate Mother's day with Mom. But what should absolutely be shouted from the rooftops is that all mothers deserve the utmost spoiling and celebration on mothers day. I told mom today that I wish I could re-do the past 28 years worth of mothers days now that I understand what she went through to bring us into this world, to help us sleep in those early months and eventually to raise us to become the women we are today. We love our mother and are so proud of her! I hope the smiles on her face reflects the great fun we were able to have with her this afternoon. Oh, and these pictures are also proof that scavenger hunts never get old. ;)

the hunt begins

"there's a gift for you from your daughter who loves to
cook. you can find it in the place she would
store extra ingredients."

finding Jill's card in the laundry room cupboard

next clue

there's a gift for you from your daughter who rests warm
and secure in your love and your home. you can find
it in the place she would find fuzzy warmth to rest under

thinking about where to go next 

looking in the hall closet

finding Bethany's present and the final clue

there is a gift from your daughter who likes to
laugh and play. you can find it in the place her
daughter would go to get princess jewels to play. 

heading to the basement

searching amongst sami's toys

finding Amy's package and a Happy Mother's Day note

reading Jill's card - all smiles =)

opening Amy's package

cute card with help from Oliver & Sami

Sugar lips... mmm...

card from Bethany. tears... 

I told her how thankful I was for all she has done for me

... and spoiled her with some
pretty earrings =)

I LOVE YOU MOM!!!

happy mothers day!

THIS is what we are celebrating today.

my little peanut - she knows her momma

her eyes are opening so wide!

we love taking her with us on outings.
here we were at the park, cloud gazing and looking at ducks

even the tiniest things like how she crumples
up in her cat seat are irresistibly cute

mommy is enjoying her daughter!

she's starting to smile!

crazy smile!

yippee!!!!!!!

mommy hair

bronwyn is confused by my need to document the mommy hair

she finally cooperates with the documentation of the mommy hair

baby + newsie hat = fun

she knows she's cute

her head is big enough for bows now!

sometimes the bow isn't so fun
but notice how even in this pic, she's still cute =)

love this face

my little socialist baby always
sleeps with her "power to the
people" fist =)

Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; The fruit of the womb is a reward.

— Psalm 127:3-4

We've been enjoying Bronwyn in new ways recently - admiring her cuteness and realizing just how much she is changing and growing each day. We're taking pictures like crazy (obviously) because we want to remember this. Every mom we meet tells us to savor the days because they go by so fast. And so we are trying to follow that advice. This mother's day I'm simply thankful for the opportunity. The opportunity to watch Bronwyn grow, to witness the miracles of change each and every day. Its not always easily, and its certainly not restful, but seriously, how can I not stand amazed that this little person grew with me for 9 months and now she continues to grow and change and develop. Thank you Lord for the precious gift of this child, of Bronwyn Joy. 

What I learned this week

Its been an exciting week. We went to a La Leche League meeting to talk to some ladies about breastfeeding. (Which is all that LLL ladies talk about. Its a good time.) It occurred to me that we keep talking about Bronwyn's age of 5 weeks as if that' a super long time. She's "already" five weeks old. She's a "whopping" 5 weeks old. In our minds, she's ancient. We can't believe we've had her for like, forever! But at this LLL meeting, the ladies kept saying the word "only." She's only 5 weeks old. She's only a newborn. They made her seem so little. And I guess she is. It was good to put things in perspective and not get ahead of ourselves. They encouraged us to not treat her like a one year old now, because she's not. Its ok for her to be needy, and clingy and want to do nothing but nurse. Because she's ONLY 5 weeks old. Not 5 months. Not 5 years. Weeks. We are parents to a weakling - or maybe I can say, weekling. And she is perfect just the way she is.

A few other things I've learned, I'll share:

* Did you know that breast feeding women keep fat pads on the sides of their hips as a store for their body to draw from to make breast milk? Hello size 10 pants. Its nice to see you again.

Our friend faith and her 7 month old baby Hope came for a visit

* Not all women feel gushy feelings about their babies all the time. I was discussing this with my friend Faith this week and sharing with her how most moms writing mommy blogs talk about how they are constantly swooning over their child. I love my child. I think she is precious, but I don't think I'm walking around in some sort of explosive lovey dovey state. Faith's advice: read different blogs. She talked about how the adults in her life were always talking to her about hanging in there, and surviving those early months because they are hard and looking forward to when the babies are old enough to be a little less demanding. So when she felt like things were hard and her baby was demanding, she never felt guilty for feeling that way because she assumed that that was as it should be. It was good for me to realize that lovey dovey feelings are a part of the package of emotions, but its ok to have all the others too. GUILT FREE. It doesn't mean I love my baby any less. As I talked with Jeremy about this, he encouraged me to keep typing the truth, even if its not glamorous, just so that everyone who reads this blog knows that I'm keeping it real.

* And one final lesson learned this week: Babies in grocery stores are irresistibly cute. Our favorite thing to do is walk through wegmans with Bronwyn and flaunt her cuteness until people ooh and ahh and tell us how precious she is. We're happy to share her with her adoring public. You're welcome world.

I'll leave you with a self-photo montage. Something about their goofy and off center nature seems so appropriately precious for describing our loveably unique life. Smile!

One Month Old!

One month old today and we can hardly believe it! It seems like just yesterday we were in the hospital, looking upon her sweet little face and trying to make sense of this miracle. We are truly blessed. Right now as Bronwyn sleeps on my chest all wrapped up and breathing gently, I am greatly humbled by what God has allowed us to partake in. This month has been full of the highest of highs as well as some of the lowest of lows. I think on those beautiful moments of picture perfect kisses and laughs and beautiful sleeping faces. But I'm also thinking about the 45 hours of labor and the sleepless nights and discouragement that can come with feeling like you are a less than perfect parent. This job/joy of raising our baby girl is a full package. The happiness buts up against the hard and the result is exactly what the Lord promised - holiness. The book Sacred Parenting is written on this very premise: that God gives us children not just to make us happy but to make us holy. I know that we have been more prayerful, more humbled, more awe-struck, more aware of my own imperfection, more worshipful, and more reliant on God in the last month than perhaps ever before. This is the Lord's gift to us through Bronwyn. Thank you Lord. You have been good to us.

Her stats at her one month check up were that she is 22.5 inches long and 8 lbs. 6 oz. chunky. I feel like we have finally hit our stride with nursing where I don't wince when she latches on. The pediatrician actually said, "if I could take a video of the perfect latch to share with other moms, that would have been it." Yay baby B! She has mastered falling asleep in her pack and play so that we can stop worrying about crushing her in our bed at night. Jeremy has figured out how to console her through fits of tummy trouble, and while I am still figuring out how to soothe her apart from nursing, I do love that she calms down immediately when handed to me. She has gotten herself on a fairly consistent 3 hour schedule of sleep wake feed sleep. Her eyes are so much wider now than when she was born. She is learning to love baths and she has lovingly pooped all over the wall, the floor and her father. She makes pretty good eye contact when you get close and look at her and she latches well onto our fingers.

These are the things that stand out from her first month of life. I just have to say it one more time, Thank you Lord. You have been good to us.

sleeeeep!

The first question everybody asks us is, how are you sleeping? And every time, I lie through my teeth and say "pretty good."
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I want to scream my confession to the world that this sleep thing is driving me craaaaaaaazzzzzzyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We want her to sleep alone, for her own protection. When we get to Zambia, we want her to sleep in her Pea Pod tent because its the safest, mosquito proof environment. But homegirl likes company, and has an amazing ability to know when she is alone. And when she's alone, she is a screamer!!!!! And nobody is happy when baby B is screaming. That's for sure.
We keep trying to figure out what the magic trick to all this is, but everyone says something different, and most of the advice is contradictory. Schedule? Baby led? Parent led with baby influence? Wing it? Manage it? Attach? Separate? WHAT THE WHAT?

What's a new mama to do???

(By the way, she's laying in the Ergo carrier insert)

Sleeping with mr. giraffe

I'll sleep anywhere. As long as someone's holding me.

waking up is hard to do