Saturday, April 5, 2014

travel with littles: "surviving"

Our family spends a lot of time on the road. Every time we need vaccinations, chickens, airport, immigration, embassy, specialized medical attention and anything else found only in the capital, we embark on an 800 kilometer journey from our home to Lusaka. Little kids cry, and furthermore, land rovers are not airbuses, which means the trip is bumpy, crowded and loud. Since Bronwyn was born, we’ve made that 10-12 hour one-way trek over 30 times. She just turned two. I think this qualifies as insanity.

But, we can attest that there is, at the very least, a method to our madness. We’ve developed our own coping mechanisms for surviving heinously long car trips with our beloved cherub who for the life of her cannot appreciate the phrase, “just a few more minutes, hunny.”

For all those who dread traveling with the littles, we would like to share with you here some of our vehicular coping mechanisms. Unfortunately, many of these are illegal in developed countries… with good reason. We are not likely to be poster children for the National Highway Traffic Safety Association unless we are modeling what NOT to do inside a vehicle. But lest you judge, please be reminded of the last time you were stuck in a car with a screaming child for anything more than two hours… and then think about the fact that we’ve added up more than THREE HUNDRED HOURS with darling daughter on these Fimpulu-Lusaka trips alone. Thankfully all of our vehicular shenanigans are legal here, and probably the only reason why we still have hair on our heads.
And besides, when you are navigating roads like this… 


sand road

notice the white knuckle death grip

this is a legit photo of an actual sign. I did not source this pic on photo bucket,


the goal is to not fall off the sand bags between the line of sticks

... bending the rules seems completely acceptable. (please note the lack of other vehicles in all of these pictures, and breathe easier as you peruse the following.)

OUR TIPS FOR TRAVELING WITH LITTLES

Time on moms lap can rejuvenate even the most frazzled.


Schedule travel times to maximize napes in the car.


Let the babe drive if things are slow and no other vehicles are around.


It's not only dogs that like to feel the wind flowing through their hair.


Playing "count the trees" or "find a monkey" can help while away the hours.


Choose carseat positions that facilitate good views.



Make the back seat her "domain" with toys, snacks and moms cell phone with which to call Grandma in case of emotional meltdown.


When necessary, particularly when its a safety issue, cry it out IS an option.
(she has lived to tell about it, and we don't feel "unattached" because of this)


Food. Lots and lots of all kinds of kid-appealing food.


Encourage longer stints in the car-seat as maturity leads to self-entertaining play.


Develop positive associations with vehicles outside of driving time.







AND MOST IMPORTANTLY...

Embrace the open road and all the emotions it may bring.


The summary here is embrace flexibility, bend the rules for sanity sake and have one goal and one goal only: arrive alive. (We are going to struggle in America, clearly.)

Last month we took Bronwyn for the last of her immunizations. This means this is the last time we have to travel 20 round-trip hours all for ONE silly hepatitis shot until she turns four. Please join me in proclaiming a collective hallelujah. Because… just, hallelujah. As “fun” as we’ve tried to make all this travel, staying local has its perks too.

Anyone else have travel tips they’d like to add?





Thursday, March 27, 2014

heroism, poverty and transparency in child sponsorship

If you've been following social media this week, you probably know about the fire storm of response created by World Vision's decision and subsequent un-decision regarding World Vision USA's hiring policy. Absolutely everybody has weighed in on the debate spawned by the two announcements and I don't intend to add one more blog post to the already flaming pile. There is great danger commenting on the dynamics of an organization for which one does not work. Nevertheless, we are closely familiar with World Vision and other child sponsorship organizations having seen their work and impact first hand on the field. What follows is our honest observation, and we welcome any correrction if we are mistaken. 

I almost could have ignored the entire conversation were it not for the persistent stream of comments exposing a very specific point of donor ignorance.

It is unfathomable to me that people would choose to punish and drop the child they sponsor over a difference in doctrine… It's astounding to me that Christians would take food from starving children because a gay person might have helped in getting it there. (rageagainsttheminivan.com)

That poor child they are leaving behind sadly does not have a choice to eat, go to school or live a healthy life. (fb comment)

I will continue to advocate for the children around the world who are losing access to vital, elemental needs (like food, healthcare, education, clean water), because a bunch of Christians in America got pissed about an HR decision made in a corporate office. (Nishweiseth.com)

 a child’s monthly needs are at stake. (Jenhatmaker.com)

What does it say about our Faith when our response to a corporate policy change is to kick a needy child in the teeth? (jamietheveryworstmissionary.com)

It's very inhumane to cut off food to a hungry child because you hate gay people. (blog comment)

I fully affirm the concern being expressed for children around the world. God loves children. Theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Every child deserves clean drinking water and a chance at school. Every one of them deserves security and love. To all those standing on the side of children, BLESS YOU.

Nevertheless, I sense some confusion about the nature of child sponsorship, and I hope this post will clear some things up. The truth of the matter is that no one sponsor is solely responsible for any one child’s life. When a sponsor withdraws support for any reason – change in financial situation, or difference of doctrinal opinion – whatever the reason,fff the withdrawing supporter is NOT kicking a child out of school, taking food out of his mouth, ripping the shirt off his back or sending him out into the streets. 

No, no, no, no, no.

A "dropped" child is not being punished or sentenced to a life of destitute poverty. This is not how child sponsorship works – within World Vision or any other organization that I know of, including my own. Child sponsorship is a JOINT commitment on the part of the generous donor and the coordinating organization. When the organization takes on a child, they commit to provide a certain set of services to that child for a certain period of time – whether or not the donor keeps sending checks with that child’s name on the memo line. Funds for sponsorship are not matched one to one so much as they are pooled together to provide for ALL the children on the sponsorship roster, in addition to a host of non-child-specific activities. As much as it may be a let down to hear, World Vision is not anxiously waiting for your sponsorship check so that when they get it, they make a call to the field staff in Zambia informing them that, Praise the Lord, Mwewa can have dinner tonight!

Large, well-organized, fiscally sound child sponsorship organizations have certain structures assuring that YOU cannot ruin a child’s life. These organizations build into their budget a certain amount of financial margin to allow for fluctuations in donor support. They have in place contingency plans for seasons of drought. And they absolutely have a certain level of professional ethics whereby they are not blithely playing with children’s lives.

To tell donors that children will suffer if individual donors do not continue to give $35 a month is emotionally manipulative. Emotional manipulation is hurtful and wrong. As directors of a small non-profit, Jeremy and I are more or less professionals at working off of a tight budget. We can easily think of about 50 ways that most non-profits, World Vision included could save money (at least in Zambia) without the kids ever noticing. Internal politics, USAID grant restrictions and desirable media campaigns largely dictate to where and to what the dollars are going. Charging the already conflicted donor with the suffering of thousands of poor, needy children world-wide lacks integrity. 

It would seem that the lack of transparency within the sponsorship process has only served to reinforce the savior complex held by many Americans. Many families display their sponsored child’s picture on their fridge as a conversation piece, a reminder to pray, and – dare I say it? – because it makes them feel good about themselves. Is it possible that, in the recesses of our hearts, we actually want to believe that our child will die without us because of how important that makes us feel? And is it possible that the teams for raising millions of dollars to fund all the expenses of a sponsorship program want donors to feel indispensible so that they keep giving? Is it possible that organizations are too intent on garnering support that they “forget” to tell you that the birthday money you sent to Maria actually didn’t go to her?

Are we misappropriating a sense of accomplishment when we feel like we have made a difference in a child’s life? Probably not. Are we misappropriating a sense of accomplishment when we feel like we have single handedly saved a child and revolutionized her community? Probably so.

Self-righteousness is oozing out of the myriad comments expressing this sentiment in a different way:

“I can’t believe that people would leave children in poverty to make a point.”

 Does anyone else feel the slope getting really, really slippery? The question of financial stewardship is not cut and dry. What if we changed that comment to something else:

“I can’t believe that people would leave children in poverty to fuel their starbucks habit.”
 “I can’t believe that people would leave children in poverty to get a manicure once a month.”
“I can’t believe that people would leave children in poverty to buy another pair of shoes.”

If we are going to start throwing stones over $35 a month – regardless of the rationale – we ought to be prepared to account for ALL of our financial decisions. I have a hunch that if we all scrutinized the spending of every $35 increment, the previously felt sense of heroism might start to fade. Truth be told, we pass by the needs of the global poor EVERY DAY in order to satisfy our own preferences. Is withdrawing support because of difference of opinion any more deplorable than not sponsoring more because doing so might cut into the restaurant budget? Maybe, and maybe not. That is for each donor to decide.

Might I suggest that we all take the opportunity created by the World Vision media exposure to both contemplate and commit.

Contemplate…
            Who do I give to and why?
            What is my motivation for giving?
            Am I being the best steward possible with what I’ve been given?

Commit…
            To rejecting every notion that we are Savior.
            To give through an organization but freely and unto the Lord.
            To become informed donors, researching organizational methods and cash flow.

It's true that there is a lot at stake here as the culture war rages on, not the least of which is our own sense of self-importance. Let's leave emotional reactionism by the way-side and have a rational perspective about our importance, our dollars, and those we serve.



Friday, March 14, 2014

we can do better than ban bossy

Rally together a former Secretary of State, social media tycoon, and the most pro-girl organization on the planet: ask them to launch a public service campaign to empower women and what do they come up with? A catchy hashtag accompanied by silly semantics and myriad assumptions, also known as the #banbossy campaign.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, first, really? and second, just take a quick google break to catch up.

You back?

K, great.

As I found myself reading about the initiative around self-esteem, confidence, and leadership, as well as the power-house women spearheading it all, I honestly felt a little embarrassed for the women of the world. Nobody should be bossy – boy or girl – and I think most congenial folks actually agree on that. Furthermore, mature adults aught to have high a enough emotional IQ to discern the difference between a strong leader and a bossy pants. Which leaves me wondering out loud, why is this even a thing?

Most of the bossy girls living along side us in this village are bossy to hide their insecurity. Many of them can’t read. Their chances of contracting HIV are startling high. They will be lucky to live past 45. They will spend their lives in abject poverty. Their role models are fictitious characters on tv. They have never heard the word “bossy” because it doesn’t exist in their language. 



But there is this one girl I know who is particularly bossy. She likes to tell her friends what to do in blunt, one-word sentences. SIT. SING. DANCE. READ. JUMP. GO. COME. She barks her commands with 90% confidence and 10% sass. Her friends put up with her because she is irresistibly cute. This girl is, in many ways, very different from her peers. Her chances of being literate are pretty much 100%. She may even get a PhD. Her parents will never dress her up and send her out to exchange sex for food. Her life expectancy is approximately twice that of her closest friends. I point out her bossiness to her without shame or fear of meddling because, after all, she’s my daughter.



Truthfully, we battle bossy in this house every. single. day. Because as much as my darling daughter needs to know confidence and self-assurance and leadership, those aren’t the only things she needs to know...

She needs to know that not everyone is as privileged as her and that sometimes, like it or not, she needs to give an extra turn to the one who has no toys as all.

She needs to know that “ki mutwe” and other kiddish insults are usually a reflection of a hurting heart, and instead of repaying evil for evil, she can, in all confidence, extend healing grace.

She needs to know that some platitudes are true, like “patience is a virtue,” “it is more blessed to give than to receive,” and “there’s always room for one more at the table, even when it means giving up the last bit of cake.



She needs to know that her meekness is not weakness so much as strength controlled.

She needs to know that she is not the most important person in the universe, and that the One who really is the most important has already secured her worth. No amount of bossy can jeopardize that.

She needs to know that successful assertion of her will is not the best way to ensure a fulfilled life.



If I had been enticed by that oh-so-colorful website into following the #banbossy lead, I would fear not only for my daughter’s character development, but also for her true happiness.

And as for all of my baby’s friends? They too need more than a conversion from bossy to leader. They need math tutors and health care, safe home environments and micro-finance. As I sit in our living room, taking in the juxtaposition of privilege and poverty, filth and fisher price, I scroll on my phone, reading headlines and tweets and I wonder how it is that the leaders of the free world aren't seeing past the end of their own noses.

Doreen
The hashtag #banbossy is catchy. But so is #ignitethelight, #girlsglow, #kidscare, #sheshares…

It’s just alliteration, savvy internet surfer. Let us not be so easily wooed.

Annie

Come now, Sheryl, Condi, Beyonce and friends; why not:

#banpoverty
#banchildabuse
#banilliteracy
#banexploitation
#banselfabsorbtion

Because what I see walking the bush paths in front of my house, carrying a baby on her back and a load of cassava on her head, waiting embarrassed in an line for birth control, asking someone else to write her name because she can’t – this is reality. And I want my girl, and any who come after her, male or female, to live with eyes seeing outward, learning to put the needs of others before their own, perfecting the art of empathy and forgiveness, not just brushing up on how to be large and in charge.
 
There are girls all over the world who need so much more than for us to lean in to a flashy media campaign. Can you see them?


Nadia