a serious shout-out to some seriously-wonderful women

I recently encountered THIS article discussing research published earlier this year by a research team at Notre Dame University studying modern American parenting practices and their effects on child development. Read the original article to get the full flavor of their research, but I’ll paste in the meat of the article below:

“Ill-advised practices and beliefs have become commonplace in our culture, such as the use of infant formula, the isolation of infants in their own rooms or the belief that responding too quickly to a fussing baby will ‘spoil’ it,” Narvaez says.

This new research links certain early, nurturing parenting practices — the kind common in foraging hunter-gatherer societies — to specific, healthy emotional outcomes in adulthood, and has many experts rethinking some of our modern, cultural child-rearing “norms.”

“Breast-feeding infants, responsiveness to crying, almost constant touch and having multiple adult caregivers are some of the nurturing ancestral parenting practices that are shown to positively impact the developing brain, which not only shapes personality, but also helps physical health and moral development,” says Narvaez.

Studies show that responding to a baby’s needs (not letting a baby “cry it out”) has been shown to influence the development of conscience; positive touch affects stress reactivity, impulse control and empathy; free play in nature influences social capacities and aggression; and a set of supportive caregivers (beyond the mother alone) predicts IQ and ego resilience as well as empathy.

As soon as my eyes crossed these words – ‘nurturing parenting practices – the kind common in foraging hunter-gatherer societies’ – I started pumping my fist in the air – “BANA CHITI! BANA ROBERT! BANA MAPALO! Where are you ladies! They’re writing about you!”

I’m not such a fan of the word choice “foraging-hunter-gatherer” but whatever, the scientific community and a top research institution has publically announced that smarty-pants America is (on average) getting it wrong and my neighbor ladies are (on the whole!) GETTING IT RIGHT. This is BIG!

Many of the women I know are easily intimidated by the well educated, western world that is forever sending “experts” to come and teach them how to run their lives. I’ve seen them sit meekly under authoritative teaching about everything topic imaginable; and while a lot of change is needed, I just feel like its high time someone shouts it out that these ladies have something teach their western counterparts. You’re in the game, ladies! Don’t call this a comeback, you’ve been here for years!

I long to be a cheerleader to these moms, to tell them that their normal, natural everyday methods have been proven to produce smart, resilient, empathetic children. I wish I could give them an earpiece to hear the murmuring of American parents debating this and that and everything… and then give them the chance to school us all in how to be attachment parents with nothing but grace, strength and fluidity. Ladies, hats off to you. If I could put you all on a plane and fly you to Indiana to speak at a research convention, I would. Because I think you’re awesome and you have taught me so much. Thank you.  

ukupapa

Ukupapa is the bemba word that means "strap the baby to your back." Jeremy and I have anglicized the word to make it a normal part of our vocabulary. 

"Can you ukupapa Bronwyn so I can get some work done?" "I ukupapa-ed Bronwyn and she fell asleep." "Did you see the dad ukupapa-ing his baby on the way to church today!" etc. etc. etc. 

Wearing babies on the back is more than a means of transportation or method of schlepping a child from point A to B. Its a culture, a lifestyle, an attitude, an expectation. Every mother (and other family members - as you can see from some of these pics) in Zambia carries their child this way. Many babies find that their mother's back is the best place to sleep. It's where they feel safe and comfortable and protected. Any mother who does not ukupapa her child is considered to be negligent and is likely to be reprimanded. It has been a beautiful journey for me in learning to carry Bronwyn in the same way and coming to appreciate the mother-child bond that develops as a result of letting my baby go where I go, see what I see, do what I do. 

This is why I was a little... um... miffed/annoyed/offended to pick up a copy of Baby Wise that we have on our shelf and read the following words:

“There is a place and a time for  slings… but it is not a good substitute for the crib. In some third world nations and primitive settings mothers carry their babies in an infant sling throughout the day.”

Really Ezzo and Buckman? Primitive? I'm actually a little embarrassed for you in your choice of words. I know that tons of moms subscribe to the Baby Wise philosophies and love the feeding schedules, regular nap time and not having baby in bed with mom and dad. And I'm happy that that works for so many people! Do what jives, right? But I feel a need to stand up for my sister-friends in this corner of the world who ukupapa their babies with PRIDE. They would never think of sticking their baby in a crib to be entertained by a mobile. In fact, many here would say that that particular practice is itself primitive. I remember several years ago talking with my Bemba teacher and another Zambian woman. I don't remember how the topic came up, but at one point my teacher, Ba Leonard turned to the other woman and said in an appalled voice, "Do you know that Americans carry their babies in baskets?" I initially giggled, trying to figure out if he was referring to moses baskets or the removable carseat basinets or something like that. But as the woman he was talking to agreed that this basket carrying was indeed horrid, I felt a little ashamed. Essentially, they were saying, how cold and unloving could this American culture be? Like I said, to ukupapa here is a passion, and one which I as a mother fully affirm.

Instead of learning her colors from a mobile above her head, Bronwyn can learn them from nature as we walk together. Instead of being soothed by an electronic toy, she can be soothed by the beat of my own heart.  Instead of learning social skills from a dvd. she can learn them from joining me in talking to dozens of people each day. I ukupapa my baby because its best for her - an art, a skill and a joy I've learned from the fantastically NOT primitive women around me.

Here's to all the mama's around the world who carry their babies and love it.