the next phase of the journey

SO THEN... on June 4th we begin the epic journey back to Zambia. Grandma & Grandpa Rawson, Bethany, Jeremy & Bronwyn loaded up 11 bags, 4 carry ons, one car seat and one pack and play and set off for Dulles airport. The loading and unloading of bags wasn't nearly as difficult as we thought it would be.

I think mom, dad, j&b only take up 2
of the 11 suitcases. Baby B took up the rest

We reached London TIRED but still chose to hop on the tube and take a bus ride so our parents could see a bit of the city.

on the London tube. bronwyn fell asleep easily
with the rumble & swaying

16 hours later we got back on the plane and began the last leg to Zambia. Once in Lusaka we started immediate running errands and then at 7 o'clock PM we got ourselves and all of our stuff piled into the land rover and took off for Fmpulu. I need to document this so Bronwyn will know how awesome she is: Baby B did GREAT the whole way. Seriously, we carted her all over kingdom come for DAYS and she stuck it out like a champ. Thank heavens we made the decision several weeks ago to just feed her whenever she wants it. Bronwyn+mommy's milk=happiness for everyone.

At the beginning of our 12 hour
drive to Fimpulu from Lusaka. We
drove, baby B slept. 

I'll be honest and say that during the whole trip I was both excited and reserved. I kept thinking in my head, "I can't believe we are doing this. I can't believe we are taking our baby to the bush." I tried so hard to have 100% faith, but my  human tendency to doubt and fear inevitably crept in from time to time. I'm doing better with that now, and I'll write more about it later. But for now I want to give praise to God for true traveling MERCIES. Oh how they are new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness!

grace in the leaving

Its hard to believe that we're heading "home." It feels like just yesterday we were landing in America, 17 weeks pregnant and DYING for some mozzarella cheese sticks. Five months later we were bringing baby Bronwyn home.

The next two months were spent trying to figure out sleeping and eating and coping with this new little person and her beautiful, but needy little self. And just as we seem to be getting comfortable with our family of three, we are heading back. It has been WONDERFUL being home. For Jeremy, Ithaca NY is more of a place of visitation. He's willing to be here because of me and my family, but he would never describe this place as home. But I love it here. The beauty of the location and its fun outings only enhance the fact that the greatest people on earth live here (i.e., mama rawson & company).

I honestly feel like every pregnant woman and new mother deserves to live with Linda Rawson for six months. Its a little slice of heaven to be on the receiving end of such warmth and hospitality. And yet, we must leave all of these good things behind. We are returning to our other home. Our dustier, warmer, less pale, African home. I know good things await me there too. I know that the kids will chase down the land rover as soon as we pull into the village and I CAN'T WAIT to see their little faces. I know that good work awaits us as well. A ministry worth leaving comfort for. A life of obedience worth sacrificing ALL for. This too is good. 

I have a friend who signs her e-mails with the words "all is grace." I've been pondering this phrase a lot lately and have been trying to apply its truth to my situation. Yes it is grace that we were able to come home and have Bronwyn in a sanitary environment surrounded by loved ones. And cheese. Oh the cheese. And it also grace that we leave this place and go back to our mission field. Being sad to leave this place does not diminish the desire to return to the other. And looking forward to this next season in Zambia does not diminish the love I have in my heart for this time of living in what will always feel like home to me. All is grace. 

And so tomorrow at 6 am when we leave Ithaca for what will most likely be quite a while, I will shed tears and repeat to myself those words, all is grace, as I thank God for what has been and what will be. 

I look forward to this next season of life (and blogging) as I share with you all the joys and challenges of raising a true bush baby. Here we go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

celebrating mama rawson!

This post is mostly for the benefit of Amy and Jill who couldn't be with us to celebrate Mother's day with Mom. But what should absolutely be shouted from the rooftops is that all mothers deserve the utmost spoiling and celebration on mothers day. I told mom today that I wish I could re-do the past 28 years worth of mothers days now that I understand what she went through to bring us into this world, to help us sleep in those early months and eventually to raise us to become the women we are today. We love our mother and are so proud of her! I hope the smiles on her face reflects the great fun we were able to have with her this afternoon. Oh, and these pictures are also proof that scavenger hunts never get old. ;)

the hunt begins

"there's a gift for you from your daughter who loves to
cook. you can find it in the place she would
store extra ingredients."

finding Jill's card in the laundry room cupboard

next clue

there's a gift for you from your daughter who rests warm
and secure in your love and your home. you can find
it in the place she would find fuzzy warmth to rest under

thinking about where to go next 

looking in the hall closet

finding Bethany's present and the final clue

there is a gift from your daughter who likes to
laugh and play. you can find it in the place her
daughter would go to get princess jewels to play. 

heading to the basement

searching amongst sami's toys

finding Amy's package and a Happy Mother's Day note

reading Jill's card - all smiles =)

opening Amy's package

cute card with help from Oliver & Sami

Sugar lips... mmm...

card from Bethany. tears... 

I told her how thankful I was for all she has done for me

... and spoiled her with some
pretty earrings =)

I LOVE YOU MOM!!!

happy mothers day!

THIS is what we are celebrating today.

my little peanut - she knows her momma

her eyes are opening so wide!

we love taking her with us on outings.
here we were at the park, cloud gazing and looking at ducks

even the tiniest things like how she crumples
up in her cat seat are irresistibly cute

mommy is enjoying her daughter!

she's starting to smile!

crazy smile!

yippee!!!!!!!

mommy hair

bronwyn is confused by my need to document the mommy hair

she finally cooperates with the documentation of the mommy hair

baby + newsie hat = fun

she knows she's cute

her head is big enough for bows now!

sometimes the bow isn't so fun
but notice how even in this pic, she's still cute =)

love this face

my little socialist baby always
sleeps with her "power to the
people" fist =)

Behold, children are a gift of the Lord; The fruit of the womb is a reward.

— Psalm 127:3-4

We've been enjoying Bronwyn in new ways recently - admiring her cuteness and realizing just how much she is changing and growing each day. We're taking pictures like crazy (obviously) because we want to remember this. Every mom we meet tells us to savor the days because they go by so fast. And so we are trying to follow that advice. This mother's day I'm simply thankful for the opportunity. The opportunity to watch Bronwyn grow, to witness the miracles of change each and every day. Its not always easily, and its certainly not restful, but seriously, how can I not stand amazed that this little person grew with me for 9 months and now she continues to grow and change and develop. Thank you Lord for the precious gift of this child, of Bronwyn Joy. 

What I learned this week

Its been an exciting week. We went to a La Leche League meeting to talk to some ladies about breastfeeding. (Which is all that LLL ladies talk about. Its a good time.) It occurred to me that we keep talking about Bronwyn's age of 5 weeks as if that' a super long time. She's "already" five weeks old. She's a "whopping" 5 weeks old. In our minds, she's ancient. We can't believe we've had her for like, forever! But at this LLL meeting, the ladies kept saying the word "only." She's only 5 weeks old. She's only a newborn. They made her seem so little. And I guess she is. It was good to put things in perspective and not get ahead of ourselves. They encouraged us to not treat her like a one year old now, because she's not. Its ok for her to be needy, and clingy and want to do nothing but nurse. Because she's ONLY 5 weeks old. Not 5 months. Not 5 years. Weeks. We are parents to a weakling - or maybe I can say, weekling. And she is perfect just the way she is.

A few other things I've learned, I'll share:

* Did you know that breast feeding women keep fat pads on the sides of their hips as a store for their body to draw from to make breast milk? Hello size 10 pants. Its nice to see you again.

Our friend faith and her 7 month old baby Hope came for a visit

* Not all women feel gushy feelings about their babies all the time. I was discussing this with my friend Faith this week and sharing with her how most moms writing mommy blogs talk about how they are constantly swooning over their child. I love my child. I think she is precious, but I don't think I'm walking around in some sort of explosive lovey dovey state. Faith's advice: read different blogs. She talked about how the adults in her life were always talking to her about hanging in there, and surviving those early months because they are hard and looking forward to when the babies are old enough to be a little less demanding. So when she felt like things were hard and her baby was demanding, she never felt guilty for feeling that way because she assumed that that was as it should be. It was good for me to realize that lovey dovey feelings are a part of the package of emotions, but its ok to have all the others too. GUILT FREE. It doesn't mean I love my baby any less. As I talked with Jeremy about this, he encouraged me to keep typing the truth, even if its not glamorous, just so that everyone who reads this blog knows that I'm keeping it real.

* And one final lesson learned this week: Babies in grocery stores are irresistibly cute. Our favorite thing to do is walk through wegmans with Bronwyn and flaunt her cuteness until people ooh and ahh and tell us how precious she is. We're happy to share her with her adoring public. You're welcome world.

I'll leave you with a self-photo montage. Something about their goofy and off center nature seems so appropriately precious for describing our loveably unique life. Smile!