We’ve talked to many people who have a passion for
orphan care – their hearts blaze afire when they see the statistics of orphan
children and read those scriptures telling us to serve. But one thing we’ve
noticed is that even amongst the passionate ones, many people think of orphans almost exclusively in the context
of the orphanage institutions that house and feed them.
We might have too, once upon a time. But outside of that institutional “box” are real humans – and five of these beautiful people in particular have dramatically shaped our view of orphan care. It would be my
pleasure to introduce them to you now.
1. Meet Mulenga
Mulenga is a single orphan, his mother having passed away seven
years ago. His father has struggled off and on to take care of Mulenga and his
two other siblings, but extended family has banded together to make ends meet. One
day Mulenga came home and told his dad that an NGO representative had pulled
him out of class to take his picture. The father followed up on the action and
discovered that this NGO was pulling orphans out of class to take their
pictures for marketing purposes. They needed some “authentic orphans” to spice
up their fundraising campaigns. Mulenga’s dad was furious. His rampage, a
mixture of Bemba and English, roughly translated to “don’t exploit my kid and
don’t patronize me.” I would feel hypocritical including a picture of Mulenga
in my own write-up, except that we are not the typical fly-by-night NGO workers.
Mulenga is one of our favorite people. Ever. We have dozens of pictures of him,
not because we’ve sought to exploit his orphan status, but because he’s in our
house every day and we clearly love him so much!
Mulenga’s lesson for us: Orphans and their families are worthy of dignity and respect.
2. Meet Maggie
Maggie’s mother died of when she was just one year old.
After the maternal death, the village wondered whether Maggie would be abandoned,
assuming no one would want anything to do with the “illegitimate” child of a
known prostitute. Immediately however, a grandmother, two aunts and a cousin
stepped in to claim Maggie as their own. They came to us for help as she had
lost considerable weight when her supply of breast milk was taken away. The
family made sacrifices to care for this child, worrying extensively about her
healthy and wellbeing. Their involvement in Maggie’s life made us take note; the
western concept of family makes us often assume that children would be unwanted
by anyone other than the bio parents. “Not
my kid, not my problem.” – is more of how Westerners would think about iis
a western ethic. But the tribal concept of family gives greater grace. Extended
families swallow up children with the same duty and conviction as if they had
birthed them themselves.
Maggie’s lesson for us: Extended
families are ready and willing to care for orphans to prevent them from being
institutionalized.
3. Meet Mwewa
Mwewa is a unique case. Both of his parents are technically alive, but
his mother is absent due to mental illness and his father struggles both with
alcohol and mental health, landing Mwewa firmly on the community’s vulnerable
child list. Despite his crazy rough family life, Mwewa is one of the most
relaxed, well-adjusted, fun loving kids. It actually makes no sense, and we
have wondered why he’s not in a corner rocking himself. Our answer? He is
constantly surrounded by his friends and their families. Mwewa sleeps in his
father’s home, but is otherwise almost always found in the company of his pals
– eating all meals with them, goofing off with them, playing a hearty game of
soccer with them. The adults of the community look out for his needs: school
uniforms and shoes and toiletries. (And yes, we are a big part of that.) On
paper, everything says this kid belongs in an orphanage where he would receive
“proper care”, but we can see that this is exactly where he needs to be.
Mwewa’s lesson for us: Kids
thrive in a place where they feel they belong.
4. Meet Asa
Asa’s mother died while birthing her. The clinic staff was
afraid that the child would be abandoned and die if there was no one to nurse
her. The sister to the deceased mother came forward and announced that she
could take the baby, at least for a while. She was still nursing her then 14
month old and thought she could “spare some milk” for the helpless infant. We
met with the mother and asked her what she felt she needed to help the newborn
thrive. Nutrition, soap and some baby socks were the items on her list. For the
next year we took the family extra food, talked to the aunt about milk supply
and when to wean her older biological child, and helped her see that with a bit
of support, she could care for this child and honor her sister. That baby is
now almost four and she is fat and happy and an integrated member of the family
that took her in. Her aunt no longer needs our help and she is more than proud
of her “daughter.” Some food, soap and socks were all it took to give her aunt
the confidence to raise her and keep her from being institutionalized.
Asa’s lesson for us: Sometimes
just getting a family over a hump is all that is needed.
5. Meet Matobwe
I had known Matobwe for years before I found out that both
of her parents had passed away. She has always called Ireen “mommy” and as far
as I knew, she was just one of Ireen’s biological children. Come to find out,
Matobwe is actually Ireen’s youngest sister. Ireen was already a married woman
when Matobwe was born, and when their mother died, Ireen took her in as her
own. Matobwe grew for years never knowing anything different, until she was
mature enough to find out that “Mommy” was really “sister” – but after a decade
and a half of care, that difference seemed trivial. Ireen stayed mommy and
probably always will. Safe and secure, this child has parents who love her,
even if they are technically her siblings.
Matobwe’s lesson for us: An orphaned child absorbed into extended family rarely feels orphaned
at all.
Dignity. Respect. Family. Belonging. Thanks kiddos. You’ve
taught me well.
