I have a confession. Our baby still sleeps in our bed.
A few months ago we were traveling to Lusaka and stopped
over at a guesthouse to catch a few winks before continuing on with our
journey. Anna, the sweet Zambian lady who owns the place along with her
American husband asked me which room we had been assigned. I told her ‘four’
and she said, “oh why don’t you just move into ‘six,’ it has two beds because I
know American’s don’t like to sleep with their babies. I giggled and said, “No
its ok, we sleep with her. We like it that way.” The lady almost hugged me –
“Oh thank you, thank you!” she said, grasping my arm in solid affirmation, as
if I were doing her a favor. (We‘ve
actually been friends with Anna ever since she bailed Jeremy out of prison that
one time – but that’s another story for another blog post. If you are ever
driving through Serenje though and need a meal or a place to stay, let me know
and I’ll give you her number.)
We never intended to be long term co-sleepers. We have this
super-duper thingy called a pea pod. It pops up and zips closed and has good
ventilation without mosquito entry. After our shower, we were almost more
excited about getting to use the pea pod than we were bringing home the new
baby. But… Ask me how many minutes she has slept in it so far – I think
27. Between her every-five-seconds nursing and absolute need to feel
another’s body heat, sleeping alone has been a non-option for this child, bless
her heart. Unfortunately it took me quite a while to stop stressing about this
“situation” and realize that we are just fine, not a parenting debacle, and
that our family could actually thrive in a bed-sharing environment.
 |
| I love it mom - but I don't think we can both fit in here, so don't expect a nap out of me |
I’ve googled co-sleeping and bed-sharing, and
holy-mother-opinionated-fire there are some VERY strong feelings on this
subject. Everything from “if your baby
sleeps with your bed you are going to kill her, and kill your marriage, and you
are a bad person,” to, “if your baby
doesn’t sleep in your bed or at least close to it, you are cruel and unusual
and heartless and therefore a bad person.”
I’ve talked with my Zambian lady friends a lot about this
and in case you want to know, (hold your fire, please, my dear disagreeing
friends) they totally side with the bed-sharing mothers of the world. Anna at
the guesthouse was so relieved that we slept with our baby because she, just
like the plethora of Fimpulu-folk I’ve polled, absolutely concurs that a child
should never sleep alone. To stick a baby in a crib is borderline child abuse.
Babies belong right next to the mother until they are at least weaned,
preferably potty trained and then they should be moved into a bed with another
child. We’ve already had people offer to send their children to our house at
night to sleep with Bronwyn when its time for her to move out of our bed. With
respect to safety, I’ve never heard of a single SIDS case here. Never even
heard it mentioned. I have a feeling this would would make a phenominal research project for
an ethno-pediatrics PHD candidate.
Oh and, What about
romantic time with your husband? I sure did ask. And they all looked at me
like I was an idiot and said something to the effect of “What kind of freaky sex do
you people have? Just don’t make so much noise.” There you have it. The co-sleeping
debate can be over now.
For us, the logistics of keeping Bronwyn with us havd been
more important than anything. With no temperature control, having her in our
bed means I can check to see if she is cold or sweating without going out from
under the safety of our mosquito net. I nurse her frequently during the night
but if you were to ask me how many times, I’d have to say, I don’t know – BECAUSE I WAKE UP AND GO BACK TO SLEEP 30 SECONDS
LATER – and for that priceless gift, sweet pea can sleep with us till she’s 30
if she wants to. As long as I get my zzz’s.
Are you a bed sharing family? Has it worked well for you?
Your friends in Zambia are giving you a long-distance high five!
