Sunday, June 3, 2012

grace in the leaving

Its hard to believe that we're heading "home." It feels like just yesterday we were landing in America, 17 weeks pregnant and DYING for some mozzarella cheese sticks. Five months later we were bringing baby Bronwyn home.

The next two months were spent trying to figure out sleeping and eating and coping with this new little person and her beautiful, but needy little self. And just as we seem to be getting comfortable with our family of three, we are heading back. It has been WONDERFUL being home. For Jeremy, Ithaca NY is more of a place of visitation. He's willing to be here because of me and my family, but he would never describe this place as home. But I love it here. The beauty of the location and its fun outings only enhance the fact that the greatest people on earth live here (i.e., mama rawson & company).

I honestly feel like every pregnant woman and new mother deserves to live with Linda Rawson for six months. Its a little slice of heaven to be on the receiving end of such warmth and hospitality. And yet, we must leave all of these good things behind. We are returning to our other home. Our dustier, warmer, less pale, African home. I know good things await me there too. I know that the kids will chase down the land rover as soon as we pull into the village and I CAN'T WAIT to see their little faces. I know that good work awaits us as well. A ministry worth leaving comfort for. A life of obedience worth sacrificing ALL for. This too is good. 

I have a friend who signs her e-mails with the words "all is grace." I've been pondering this phrase a lot lately and have been trying to apply its truth to my situation. Yes it is grace that we were able to come home and have Bronwyn in a sanitary environment surrounded by loved ones. And cheese. Oh the cheese. And it also grace that we leave this place and go back to our mission field. Being sad to leave this place does not diminish the desire to return to the other. And looking forward to this next season in Zambia does not diminish the love I have in my heart for this time of living in what will always feel like home to me. All is grace. 

And so tomorrow at 6 am when we leave Ithaca for what will most likely be quite a while, I will shed tears and repeat to myself those words, all is grace, as I thank God for what has been and what will be. 

I look forward to this next season of life (and blogging) as I share with you all the joys and challenges of raising a true bush baby. Here we go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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